I muster up my inner courage as I drive to my grandmother's new place of residence. My heart is breaking on the inside because she can no longer live in her home of fifty-eight years. She requires more monitoring and assistance with simple daily activities. So the only logical solution was to relocate her to a place where she can be cared for at the level she requires.
Today she has an eye appointment. I am the one who gets to assist in taking her. This is a critical appointment for her and could result in bad news. Her eyes have deteriorated much with Macular Degeneration. The doctor could very well claim her to be "legally blind". She is well aware of her failing eyesight because the books she loves to read are no longer an option.
Part of my perks in being the local granddaughter was picking out large print books for my grandma at our local library. I would peruse the shelves in the Large Print section searching for Westerns and Mysteries, these were her favorites. I would quickly skim the synopsis on the back cover to determine if it would be a good one for grandma. She would let me know what books she enjoyed. She has never had a problem voicing her opinion. I guess I get that character trait from her! Her days of reading have come to a close. The large print is not legible for her poor eyes. One of her favorite pastimes is no longer available due to her deteriorating eyes. I am heartbroken for her once again!
We sit there together at the doctor's office and she asks me, "What is going to happen to my eyes?" This is now my moment of truth. Do I give her the honest answer or do I sugar coat it? Of course I respect my grandmother and the dignity she deserves. I let her know the end result of her disease will be blindness. She is aware of this, she had a friend who had this disease and she has been told in the past what will happen. She confides in me, "I hope I go before then." In all honesty I hope that for her as well. Watching a loved one slowly decay in front of you is not an easy thing. I am very proud of my grandma for all those years she lived independently. I am going to give her the dignity she deserves!
On our way back I surprise her with a coke from McDonald's; that made her day so much brighter! It's the small things now that make a difference. I am going to keep up with the small things!
